Ozzy Osbourne Quotes (displaying: 1 - 10 of 159 quotes)
The funny thing is, ?m actually quite interested in the Bible, and ?ve tried to read it several times. But ?ve only ever got as far as the bit about Moses being 720 years old, and ?m like, `What were these people smoking back then? The bottom line is I do?t believe in a bloke called God in a white suit who sits on a fluffy cloud any more than I believe in a bloke called the Devil with a three-pronged fork and a couple of horns. But I believe that ther?s day, ther?s night, ther?s good, ther?s bad, ther?s black, ther?s white. If there is a God, i?s nature. If ther?s a Devil, i?s nature.
He [dad] always had some kind of trouble with his leg. H?d have bandages wrapped around it all the time but h?d never go and see a doctor. H?d rather have dropped dead than go to a doctor. He was terrified of them, like a lot of people his age were. And h?d never take a day off work. If he ever stayed at home feeling ill, it was time to call the undertaker.
I grew up having to piss in a bucket ’cos there was no indoor shitter, and now I have these computerised Japanese super-loo things that have heated seats and wash and blow-dry your arse at the touch of a button. Give it a couple of years and I’ll have a bog with a robot arm that pulls out my turds, so I don’t have to strain.