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Authors:
Augusten Burroughs Quotes

Augusten Burroughs quotes

American Writer October 23, 1965

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Quotes

In the same way that a tornado rips the roof off a double-wide trailer, leaving the occupants dazed and staring at the clouds from the splinters of what used to be their living room, it was over. Augusten Burroughs
As a child, I was never drawn toward depraved or extreme situations; I really wanted a normal little childhood. Unfortunately, that's just not what happened. Augusten Burroughs
You know what we need? We need to get jobs, get the fuck out of that crazy house,' Natalie said, dipping a McNugget into her sauce. Yeah, right. Jobs doing what? Our only skills are oral sex and restraining agitated psychotics. Augusten Burroughs
Augusten Burroughs quote: "Will I end up in Hell along with the Hamburger Helping Hand,..."
Will I end up in Hell along with the Hamburger Helping Hand, Joe Camel and Wendy, the Snapple Lady? Augusten Burroughs
Augusten Burroughs quote: "He likes people because he likes to share in conversations. I..."
He likes people because he likes to share in conversations. I like people when they have large checks for me. Augusten Burroughs
Augusten Burroughs quote: "I saw a monkey walking on a leash and thought it was an ugly..."
I saw a monkey walking on a leash and thought it was an ugly foreign child. Augusten Burroughs
Fact: upon locking yourself our of your apartment you will immediately need to use the bathroom. Fact: and then you will stand in place and watch your door. You will just stare. As though rebuffed by it. As though it has done this to you. Augusten Burroughs
...I don't think it's any more deceptive than wearing four-inch come-fuck-me pumps when one has no intention of ever fucking anybody. Augusten Burroughs
Augusten Burroughs quote: "Give that mint Milano back, you bitch. If you can't at least..."
Give that mint Milano back, you bitch. If you can't at least be polite, you don't get a treat. Augusten Burroughs
We were young. We were bored. And the old electroshock therapy machine was just under the stairs in a box next to the Hoover. Augusten Burroughs
If we happened to be in rehearsal downstairs in my room and a neighbor padded across the lawn to rap gently on the window and ask us to please be more quiet, Natalie might simply lift up her skirt and mash her vagina against the window while extending her middle finger. Augusten Burroughs
Augusten Burroughs quote: "Like cubic zirconia, I only look real. I'm an imposter. The..."
Like cubic zirconia, I only look real. I'm an imposter. The fact is, I am not like other people. Augusten Burroughs
Augusten Burroughs quote: "Like cubic zirconia, I only look real. I'm an imposter."
Like cubic zirconia, I only look real. I'm an imposter. Augusten Burroughs
Augusten Burroughs quote: "Give me down. And give me the Polaroids of the fifty geese..."
Give me down. And give me the Polaroids of the fifty geese that had to die in the process. Augusten Burroughs
Augusten Burroughs quote: "But I can also write in crappy motel rooms, while standing in..."
But I can also write in crappy motel rooms, while standing in line, or sitting in the dentist's chair. Augusten Burroughs

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