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Authors:
Augusten Burroughs Quotes

Augusten Burroughs quotes

American Writer October 23, 1965

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Quotes

Augusten Burroughs quote: "You must hang onto the scraps of the bucking moment as if your..."
You must hang onto the scraps of the bucking moment as if your sanity and life depended on it - because actually they do. Augusten Burroughs
Augusten Burroughs quote: "I didn't begin life hating my grandmother. Like every child, I..."
I didn't begin life hating my grandmother. Like every child, I adored her. Until I formed a brain and got to know her. Augusten Burroughs
Augusten Burroughs quote: "But my favorite band is Curbside Life, out of Chicago."
But my favorite band is Curbside Life, out of Chicago. Augusten Burroughs
Augusten Burroughs quote: "Life would be fabric-softener, tuna-salad-on-white,..."
Life would be fabric-softener, tuna-salad-on-white, PTA-meeting normal. Augusten Burroughs
Augusten Burroughs quote: "Now I can add prostitute to my list of life's accomplishments."
Now I can add prostitute to my list of life's accomplishments. Augusten Burroughs
Thanksgiving was nothing more than a pilgrim-created obstacle in the way of Christmas; a dead bird in the street that forced a brief detour. Augusten Burroughs
What nobody understood then is this: The only way that you achieve what you want and fulfill your dreams and become great is by demanding that sort of attention. You have to make it happen. Augusten Burroughs
Happiness is a treadmill of a goal for people who are not happy by nature. Being an unhappy person does not mean you must be sad or dark. You can be interested instead of happy. Augusten Burroughs
My instinct was always have your gun in your hand. Especially when you are telling somebody to do something. But, in fact, the police academy discourages this. They feel your gun should rarely, if ever, be brought out of its holster. Most certainly not when children are involved, which is exactly when I saw myself using my gun most often. A truant teenager loitering outside a movie theater is going to be far more motivated to return to school when he has the barrel of a .45 pressed against... Augusten Burroughs
Do not wait for the healing to arrive. It will never come. The holes will never leave or be filled with anything at all. But holes are interesting things. Augusten Burroughs
As a writer, you can't allow yourself the luxury of being discouraged and giving up when you are rejected, either by agents or publishers. You absolutely must plow forward. Augusten Burroughs
After a horribly long day, I needed a mental break. I threw on my parka, with the raccoon fur around the hood, and I went to see a movie. But what to see? Something sweet and stupid and harmless. At the movie theater on Second Avenue and Twelfth, a title caught my eye. I thought, 'That seems good. Jodie Foster and a puffy, friendly farm animal, a butterfly.' I unzipped my jacket and headed inside to see a movie I'd heard the name of but knew nothing about. It was called Silence Of The Lambs. Augusten Burroughs
Self-pity is the bestiality of emotions: it absolutely disgusts people. When you're feeling pity for yourself, and somebody says to you 'You think maybe it's time for the pity party to be over? You should stop feeling sorry for yourself and try to think positive,' it makes you wish you could saw their head off. Augusten Burroughs
One of the things I liked about her [Dorothy] was that she had long fingernails that she would carefully manicure and paint to fit her mood. If she were in a happy mood, her nails would be bright red. If she were feeling like she wanted to eviscerate her mother she would paint her nails burgundy. Augusten Burroughs
Dennis's superior mental health was obvious from the first date, like a cleft palate. The other thing about him was that he had shapely, muscular legs. His calves were so sculpted they looked artificial, like silicone implants. This is a look I'm fond of. In fact, if I had been born a girl there is no doubt in my mind that my chest cavity would have been stuffed with two softball-sized orbs of silicone before my eleventh birthday. In this way my own mental health is somewhat like a cleft palate. Augusten Burroughs

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