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Authors:

Ben Elton quotes

British Comedian May 3, 1959

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Quotes

Beyond love, beyond unrequited love, perhaps even beyond any other passion known to humanity, deep, deep in the depths of the turgid, clinging, swamplike pit of despair that lies dormant within every soul, lurks JEALOUSY. Jealousy, that most demeaning and debilitating of emotions. Jealousy, which can double the strength of the love upon which it is based, but whilst doubling it, warp and pervert it, untill it is no longer recognizable as the thing of beauty it once was. Jealous love is no... Ben Elton
Any closer would unravel her mystery, the very thing which made her so truly beautiful...It was her mystery that he adored. He was in love with everything that he did not know about her... No real sexual encounter could ever match the secret one that he could nurture in his imagination... No living flesh could ever be the erotic equal of flesh kept private, untouchable and unknowable Ben Elton
If only the strength of the love that people feel when it is reciprocated could be as intense and obsessive as the love we feel when it is not; then marriages would be truly made in heaven. Ben Elton
People who get through life dependent on other people's possessions are always the first to lecture you on how little possessions count. Ben Elton
Ben Elton quote: "I'm easy to work with, not a pushover, but I respond to..."
I'm easy to work with, not a pushover, but I respond to criticism and find it inspiring. Ben Elton
Ben Elton quote: "To positively discriminate in favour of groups that have been..."
To positively discriminate in favour of groups that have been negatively discriminated against in the past. Ben Elton
When the phone rings at 2.15am in the morning it's unlikely to be heralding something pleasant. What chance is there of its being good news? None. Only someone bad would ring at such an hour. Or someone with bad news. Ben Elton
Ben Elton quote: "You didn't wake up, your dreams just changed gear."
You didn't wake up, your dreams just changed gear. Ben Elton
No collection of people who are all waiting for the same thing are capable of holding a natural conversation. Even if the thing they are waiting for is only a taxi. Ben Elton
The earth only has so much bounty to offer and inventing ever larger and more notional prices for that bounty does not change its real value. Ben Elton
The internet was supposed to liberate knowledge, but in fact it buried it, first under a vast sewer of ignorance, laziness, bigotry, superstition and filth and then beneath the cloak of political surveillance. Now...cyberspace exists exclusively to promote commerce, gossip and pornography. And of course to hunt down sedition. Only paper is safe. Books are the key. A book cannot be accessed from afar, you have to hold it, you have to read it. Ben Elton
Kingsley watched her disappear from the room, wondering if his heart would break. Logic informed him that of course it would not. The heart was no more than a muscle, a pump which distributed blood about the body; it had nothing whatsoever to do with a man's emotions. But if that was the case, why did it ache so? Ben Elton
Ben Elton quote: "Sympathy for victims is always counter-balanced by an equal..."
Sympathy for victims is always counter-balanced by an equal and opposite feeling of resentment towards them. Ben Elton
New York will always seem more real than anything Britain has to offer. It is strange that, although the majority of British people have never seen a skate-boarding body-popper, an exploding fire-hydrant, or anybody dunk a doughnut, these things seem infinitely more immediate and happening images than that jar of Horlicks which has stood in the cupboard for 40 years Ben Elton
Ben Elton quote: "The worst thing about being a great power is when you're not..."
The worst thing about being a great power is when you're not one any more. It takes centuries to get over it. Ben Elton

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