English En
  • Deutsche De
  • English En
  • Français Fr
  • Русский Ru

We use cookies to personalise content and ads, to provide social media features and to analyse our traffic. We also share information about your use of our site with our marketing and analytics partners who may combine it with other information you've provided to them or which they've separately collected from you. You also may to see our Privacy Policy. By clicking the OK button below, you accept our cookies.

Authors:

Billy Connolly quotes

Scottish Comedian November 24, 1942

Cite this Page: Citation

Quotes

Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car you drive, the clothes you wear, and so it would be patronising to go and talk like a welder. Welding's a mystery to me now. You can't go back, your life changes every day. Billy Connolly
Billy Connolly quote: "Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. Get..."
Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. Get wasted all the time, and you'll have the time of your life! Billy Connolly
The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know. Billy Connolly
I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place. Billy Connolly
Billy Connolly quote: "I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days."
I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days. Billy Connolly
All anyone really needs to know about barbed wire is that it can tear the arse out of your trousers, give a cow a good fright, entangle a Yorkshire terrier for life, and is nasty stuff made by greedy men. Billy Connolly
And we took off-whoosh-into the night. Through the clouds, we hurtled up into the sky. And this man farted. I will never forget it as long as I live. Not only was it the worst fart, it was the longest. Maybe, it was the position he was in, he had squeezed his ass all up. But he was kinda leanin over and pointing his ass up toward me. And it made the strangest noise. It was like cloth tearing. Billy Connolly
I've always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can't tell to an audience. There's a fine line you have to tread because you don't know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended. Billy Connolly
Billy Connolly quote: "Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea..."
Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cozy, doesn't try it on. Billy Connolly
Billy Connolly quote: "Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey......"
Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on. Billy Connolly
Billy Connolly quote: "As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started..."
As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It's something they reserve just for me. Billy Connolly
I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God, but I don't think I do. But I believe in people who do. Billy Connolly
Heckling is an act of cowardice. If you want to speak, get up in front of the microphone and speak, don't sit in the dark hiding. It's easy to hide and shout and waste people's time. Billy Connolly
We were watching this procession. It was fucking terrible and the crucifix was about 20 feet high coming around the corner. And my wee grandson says, 'who's that?' I say, 'that's Jesus'. He says, 'BABY JESUS?!' I say, 'yeah, that's him'. He says, 'SOMEBODY KILLED BABY JESUS!' It was the most sincere religious cry. If Christians did that, I would believe them. 'WHAT? THE BASTARDS KILLED JESUS! Billy Connolly
I loathe hecklers. I haven't got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit and into the concert hall, they should be gone. There's an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it's a different venue. Billy Connolly

Popular Author

Related Authors