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David Letterman Quotes

David Letterman quotes

American Comedian April 12, 1947

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Quotes

David Letterman quote: "For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home."
For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home. David Letterman
Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton. David Letterman
David Letterman quote: "There is no off position on the genius"
There is no off position on the genius David Letterman
David Letterman quote: "There is no off position on the genius switch."
There is no off position on the genius switch. David Letterman
The weather here is gorgeous. It's mild and feels like it's in the eighties. The hot dog vendors got confused because of the weather and thought it was spring, so they accidentally changed the hot dog water in their carts. David Letterman
David Letterman quote: "Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've..."
Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water. David Letterman
David Letterman quote: "Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds..."
Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees. David Letterman
There's only one requirement of any of us, and that is to be courageous. Because courage, as you might know, defines all other human behavior. And, I believe - because I've done a little of this myself - pretending to be courageous is just as good as the real thing. David Letterman
Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it? David Letterman
David Letterman quote: "New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of..."
New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move. David Letterman
Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2) Advising the President. 3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin. David Letterman
Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It's like Robert Downey Jr. getting out of bed. David Letterman
Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives. David Letterman
David Letterman quote: "Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're..."
Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard. David Letterman
Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel. David Letterman

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