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Authors:

David Sedaris quotes

American Writer December 26, 1956

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Quotes

On a busy day twenty-two thousand people come to visit Santa, and I was told that it is an elf's lot to remain merry in the face of torment and adversity. I promised to keep that in mind. David Sedaris
When I look at a lot of older stuff that I've written, I think one sign of amateur humor writing is when you see people trying too hard. David Sedaris
...never fall asleep in a Dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never get drunk near a train, and never, under any circumstances, cut off your air supply while masturbating. David Sedaris
High school taught me a valuable lesson about glasses: Don't wear them. Contacts have always seemed like too much work, so instead I just squint, figuring that if something is more than ten feet away, I'll just deal with it when I get there. David Sedaris
David Sedaris quote: "There seemed to be some correlation between devotion to God..."
There seemed to be some correlation between devotion to God and a misguided zeal for marshmallows. David Sedaris
David Sedaris quote: "It make one's mouth hurt to speak with such forced merriment."
It make one's mouth hurt to speak with such forced merriment. David Sedaris
Because that’s really something I can’t stand — when people refer to themselves as crazy. The truly crazy are labeled so on the grounds that they see nothing wrong with their behavior. They forge ahead, lighting fires in public buildings and defecating in frying pans without the slightest notion that they are out of step with the rest of society. That, to me, is crazy. David Sedaris
David Sedaris quote: "The things I've bought from strangers in the dark would curl..."
The things I've bought from strangers in the dark would curl your hair. David Sedaris
Being locked up is one thing, but to have no concept of confinement, to be ignorant of its terms and never understand that struggle is useless - that's what hell must be like. David Sedaris
You’re not going to throw this away, are you?” she says, and she’ll be talking about the grains of rice in the bottom of the salt shaker. “No, Mrs. Peacock, by all means, you take them. They’ll come in handy when your son gets out of prison and marries your niece. David Sedaris
It was the artist’s duty to find the appropriate objects, and the audience’s job to decipher meaning. If the piece failed to work, it was their fault, not yours. David Sedaris
Today a child told Santa Ken that he wanted his dead father back and a complete set of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Everyone wants those Turtles. David Sedaris
David Sedaris quote: "I like nonfiction books about people with wretched lives."
I like nonfiction books about people with wretched lives. David Sedaris
David Sedaris quote: "I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came..."
I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later. David Sedaris
David Sedaris quote: "I meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is..."
I meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is ten and a half hours in one sitting. David Sedaris

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