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Authors:

David Sedaris quotes

American Writer December 26, 1956

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Quotes

David Sedaris quote: "I was just struggling with my inner vachette and pondering the..."
I was just struggling with my inner vachette and pondering the depths of my own inhumanity. David Sedaris
He sounded like me when I sensed there were drugs around: "All I know is that if someone wants to get high, or wants to watch while I smoke his dope, I'll do it. I really will. David Sedaris
People ask me, 'Have you ever considered doing stand-up?' To me it would be less offensive if someone asked me, 'Have you ever considered dental implants?' David Sedaris
The only bright spot in the entire evening was the presence of Kevin "Tubby" Matchwell, the eleven-year-old porker who tackled the role of Santa with a beguiling authenticity. The false beard tended to muffle his speech, but they could hear his chafing thighs all the way to the North Pole. David Sedaris
David Sedaris quote: "I giggled out loud at his stupidity. If anyone knew how to..."
I giggled out loud at his stupidity. If anyone knew how to make a bed, it was a faggot. David Sedaris
We were standing near the Lollipop Forest when we realized that Santa is an anagram of Satan... Overhearing the customers we would substitute the Satan for the world Santa. David Sedaris
David Sedaris quote: "Standing in a two-hour line makes people worry that they're..."
Standing in a two-hour line makes people worry that they're not living in a democratic nation. David Sedaris
David Sedaris quote: "Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get..."
Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it. David Sedaris
David Sedaris quote: "It's safe to assume that by 2085 guns will be sold in vending..."
It's safe to assume that by 2085 guns will be sold in vending machines but you won't be able to smoke anywhere in America. David Sedaris
David Sedaris quote: "There are lots of things that happen to me that I don't write..."
There are lots of things that happen to me that I don't write about. David Sedaris
David Sedaris quote: "People are often frightened of Parisians, but an American in..."
People are often frightened of Parisians, but an American in Paris will find no harsher critic than another American. David Sedaris
David Sedaris quote: "It was like seeing someone who wore a striped tie or parted..."
It was like seeing someone who wore a striped tie or parted his hair on the left? a detail, but not a telling one. David Sedaris
Standing in a two-hour line makes people worry that they're not living in a democratic nation. People stand in line for two houres and they go over the edge. David Sedaris
David Sedaris quote: "I've always been very upfront about the way I write, and I've..."
I've always been very upfront about the way I write, and I've always used the tools humorists use, such as exaggeration. David Sedaris
David Sedaris quote: "I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like."
I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like. David Sedaris

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