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Demetri Martin quotes

American Comedian May 25, 1973

TOP 10 Demetri Martin quotes

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Quotes

I love women, but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog's name. Then I said, 'Does he bite?' She said, 'No.' And I said, 'Oh yeah? Then how does he eat?' Liar. Demetri Martin
Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say... sort of. It's just a filler. Sort of... it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like... after "I love you"... or "You're going to live"... or "It's a boy! Demetri Martin
But long story short, I didn't start doing stand-up because I wanted to have a TV show or be an actor or even wanted to write sketch comedy. I got into stand-up because I love stand-up. Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin quote: "Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short,..."
Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline. Demetri Martin
I love catching a snapshot of something that is just about to happen. Or maybe something that just happened, you know. But I like especially that just-before kind of feeling. Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin quote: "I love Steven Wright."
I love Steven Wright. Demetri Martin
It's very easy to go through your whole life and never really get anything done or have any real meaningful interactions or relationships. All of a sudden you're dead, and I'm going to say that's got to be a letdown. Demetri Martin
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it. Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin quote: "I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming."
I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming. Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin quote: "When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults."
When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults. Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin quote: "I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was..."
I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny. Demetri Martin
Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away. Demetri Martin
I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flipflops, you're saying: 'Hope I don't get chased today.' 'Be nice to people in sneakers.' Demetri Martin
I like women, but you can't always trust them. Some of them are big liars, like this one woman I met who had a dog. I asked her her dog's name and then I asked, 'Does he bite?' and she said, 'No.' And I said, 'So how does he eat?' Liar! Demetri Martin
The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I always liked Gary Larson, who's really funny for a cartoonist, obviously. Demetri Martin

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