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Demetri Martin quotes

American Comedian May 25, 1973

TOP 10 Demetri Martin quotes

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Quotes

I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you'd be like, 'huh? What the hell is this?' But if it's in a fruit basket you're like, 'this is nice!' Demetri Martin
I was on the street. This guy waved to me, and he came up to me and said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' And I said, 'I am. Demetri Martin
I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead. Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin quote: "Saying, 'I'm sorry' is the same as saying, ' I apologize.'..."
Saying, 'I'm sorry' is the same as saying, ' I apologize.' Except at a funeral. Demetri Martin
But what I was going to say was, I just figured I'm going to go boldly in the direction of my dreams, say it as Thoreau would say, and just see where it takes me. Demetri Martin
I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater. Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin quote: "Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come..."
Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down. Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin quote: "I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to..."
I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie. Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin quote: "I was student council president in high school, and even in..."
I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association. Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin quote: "Words have power, you dumb piece of shit."
Words have power, you dumb piece of shit. Demetri Martin
It is illegal to yell “fire” in a crowded theater. If there is a fire, please yell something else instead, like “Flames!” or “Smoke maker!” or “Bad hot! Demetri Martin
Okay, so, when I was a kid, definitely the drawings and the illustration. Then I stopped in sixth grade or so. And then I started again when I was in my twenties. I really didn't progress since then, so the way I draw is the way I drew in sixth grade. Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin quote: "100% of the people who give 110% do not understand math."
100% of the people who give 110% do not understand math. Demetri Martin
Like a lot of people, I’ve always enjoyed commenting on strangers’ outfits. Unlike a lot of people, I now had a new megaphone to do it with. And, let me tell you, commenting on people’s hilarious clothing choices through a megaphone makes it so much better. Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin quote: "When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California..."
When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding. Demetri Martin

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