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Authors:
Emo Philips Quotes

Emo Philips quotes

American Comedian February 7, 1956

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Quotes

Emo Philips quote: "I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy."
I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy. Emo Philips
The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks. Emo Philips
Emo Philips quote: "People always ask me, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?"..."
People always ask me, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi. Emo Philips
At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote. Emo Philips
Emo Philips quote: "People come up to me... concerned... that I'll reproduce."
People come up to me... concerned... that I'll reproduce. Emo Philips
Emo Philips quote: "Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: 'A..."
Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: 'A truck!' Emo Philips
Emo Philips quote: "A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me..."
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. Emo Philips
Emo Philips quote: "I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me."
I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me. Emo Philips
Emo Philips quote: "My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my..."
My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe. Emo Philips
Emo Philips quote: "My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at..."
My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing. Emo Philips
Emo Philips quote: "You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back."
You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back. Emo Philips
Emo Philips quote: "Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German..."
Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist. Emo Philips
Emo Philips quote: "England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'."
England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'. Emo Philips

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