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Authors:
Joseph Heller Quotes

Joseph Heller quotes

American Novelist, Writer May 1, 1923 – December 12, 1999

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In short, he was a dope. He often looked to Yossarian like one of those people hanging around modern museums with both eyes together on one side of a face. It was an illusion, of course, generated by Clevinger's predilection for staring fixedly at one side of a question and never seeing the other side at all. Joseph Heller
Joseph Heller quote: "He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody."
He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody. Joseph Heller
Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck. Joseph Heller
Joseph Heller quote: "That's some catch, that Catch-22", he observed. It's the best..."
That's some catch, that Catch-22", he observed. It's the best there is", Doc agreed. Joseph Heller
Joseph Heller quote: "That's some catch, that Catch-22," he observed."It's the best..."
That's some catch, that Catch-22," he observed."It's the best there is," Doc Daneeka agreed. Joseph Heller
Darling, we’re going to have a baby again,’ she would say to her husband. I haven’t the time,’ Lieutenant Scheisskopf would grumble petulantly. ‘Don’t you know there’s a parade going on? Joseph Heller
Yossarian decided to change the subject. "Now you're changing the subject." he pointed out diplomatically. "I'll bet I can name two things to be miserable about for every one you can name to be thankful for. Joseph Heller
The maid in the lime-color panties... She had a plain broad face and was the most virtuous woman alive: she laid for EVERYBODY, regardless of race, creed, color or place of national origin, donating herself sociably as an act of hospitality, procrastinating not even for the moment it might take to discard the cloth or broom or dust mop she was clutching at the time she was grabbed. Her allure stemmed from her accessibility; like Mt. Everest, she was there, and the men climbed on top of her... Joseph Heller
Joseph Heller quote: "Nurse Duckett found Yossarian wonderful and was already trying..."
Nurse Duckett found Yossarian wonderful and was already trying to change him. Joseph Heller
Major Major's father had a good joke about opportunity. "Opportunity only knocks once in this world," he would say. Major Major's father repeated this good joke at every opportunity. Joseph Heller
Impressionable men in the squadron like Dobbs and Captain Flume were so deeply disturbed by Hungry Joe's shrieking nightmares that they woudl begin to have shrieking nightmares of their own, and the piercing obscenities they flung into the air every night from their separate places in the squadron rang against each other in the darkness romantically like the mating calls of songbirds with filthy minds. Joseph Heller
Yossarian was cold, too, and shivering uncontrollably. He felt goose pimples clacking all over him as he gazed down despondently at the grim secret Snowden had spilled all over the messy floor. It was easy to read the message in his entrails. Man was matter, that was Snowden's secret. Drop him out a window and he'll fall. Set fire to him and he'll burn. Bury him and he'll rot, like other kinds of garbage. The spirit gone, man is garbage. That was Snowden's secret. Ripeness was all. I'm cold,'... Joseph Heller
I did it to protect my good reputation in case anyone ever caught me walking around with crab apples in my cheeks. With rubber balls in my hands I could deny there were crab apples in my cheeks. Everytime someone asked me why I was walking around with crab apples in my cheeks, I'd just open my hands and show them it was rubber balls I was walking around with, not crab apples, and that they were in my hands, not my cheeks. It was a good story, but I never knew if it got across or not, since... Joseph Heller
Joseph Heller quote: "Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and..."
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity trust upon them. Joseph Heller
The chaplain glanced at the bridge table that served as his desk and saw only the abominable orange-red, pear-shaped, plum tomato he had obtained that same morning from Colonel Cathcart, still lying on its side where he had forgotten it like an indestructible and incarnadine symbol of his own ineptitude. Joseph Heller

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