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Kathy Griffin Quotes

Kathy Griffin quotes

American Comedian November 4, 1961

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Quotes

Kathy Griffin quote: "I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they..."
I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard. Kathy Griffin
Another example of getting flack from the boys is what happened when Jack Black dumped me. That’s right. I fucked Jack Black. Okay, we went out only two or three times, but that’s a relationship in my book. And by the way, this is my book. Kathy Griffin
When my pals in high school were starting to drink, it always looked unappealing to me. I would be at a big party and see one of the popular girls or football players completely wasted and puking and acting a fool, and think to myself, There’s nothing cool about that. I never wanted to be that out of control. Kathy Griffin
Kathy Griffin quote: "But if something funny happens, I can't resist. I have to tell..."
But if something funny happens, I can't resist. I have to tell the people. Kathy Griffin
Mom’s a hypochondriac, too, so the best part was that every week she would get the disease that the medical shows were dramatizing. I’ll never forget, they did an episode on sickle cell anemia, which as far as I know, is almost exclusively an African-American affliction. Kathy Griffin
Kathy Griffin quote: "The beauty about the D-list is that people who are on it..."
The beauty about the D-list is that people who are on it probably don't know they are. Kathy Griffin
It always pisses me off when I’m calling in to some Morning Zoo radio show to promote God-only-knows what—probably this book, so get ready, I’m comin’—when the DJ actually tries to convince me that there are as many female comics as male ones. Cue hypermasculine Morning Zoo Hacky McGee voice: “So Kath, I don’t know what you chicks are always complaining about.” To which I respond: “Really? Why don’t you call your local comedy club and ask for the Saturday night lineup? I guarantee you the... Kathy Griffin
Kathy Griffin quote: "At St. Bernardine’s the nuns never liked me. Especially Sister..."
At St. Bernardine’s the nuns never liked me. Especially Sister Mary Bitch-and-a-Half. I think that was her biblical name. Kathy Griffin
My mother’s father was just called “The Governor,” or “Himself.” Which, if you have sixteen kids, probably isn’t as crazy as it sounds. Kathy Griffin
Most people new to a city on the ocean would probably go to the beach during the day when there are people around. I, on the other hand, decided to try a midnight swim at the somewhat gamy Santa Monica pier, by myself. That is, until a nearby guard kicked me off the beach for my own safety. Kathy Griffin
Kathy Griffin quote: "I'm not always in that good with middle-aged heterosexual men."
I'm not always in that good with middle-aged heterosexual men. Kathy Griffin
Of course, I’ve told Jesus to suck it, too, which earned me a certain measure of notoriety, because you have to make fun of any religion that would let you have sixteen kids and say it’s God’s will. Kathy Griffin
Kathy Griffin quote: "If you see me on Friday, you'll see different material on..."
If you see me on Friday, you'll see different material on Saturday night. Kathy Griffin
This one guy Roland was so weird that during sex his voice altered—as if he were a fucking alien—and he started talking like a baby in a bizarre high-pitched voice. He’d start screaming shit like, “I just want to fuck my baby! I’m your baby! Will you be my baby? Baby? Baby?” For one thing, he couldn’t decide whether he was the baby or the daddy. Make up your mind, freak. I had to force myself out from under him and flee the apartment undressed, clutching my clothes. Kathy Griffin
I was a soccer cheerleader. It doesn’t get nerdier than that. I was fired from the soccer cheerleading squad after one year, which I believe to this day is unprecedented. You have to understand, no one went to the soccer games. In fact, I believe part of my duties as a cheerleader was to bake brownies for the team. Kathy Griffin

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