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Authors:
Lewis Black Quotes

Lewis Black quotes

American Comedian August 30, 1948

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Quotes

I do the same gig. I might change it a little; I might slow it down if I'm in the South. I talk fast, and they're not used to people talking that fast. Lewis Black
If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat. Lewis Black
I started playing golf when I was a kid, because across the street from where we lived there was a little nine-hole golf course where my father worked. Lewis Black
I've always really liked theater. It fascinated me. You can create a reality and get people involved in that reality. It takes place in real time. Lewis Black
I would like to play Pebble Beach at some point. I keep waiting for them to call and ask me to that little pro-am thing, but I'm not big enough. Lewis Black
Ninety percent of a shirt that not only was bright purple and green but with a design on it that, if you moved too quickly, might cause a seizure in an unsuspecting onlooker. Lewis Black
They should have a store next to the bookstore called the shit store where you can get shit books to read while on the shitter. No one reads great literature on the shitter. Lewis Black
At seven p. m., hope is sparked again when some new chirpy airline employee announces that a new plane without that nasty mechanical problem - the aviation of the clap - will arrive around 9 o'clock. Apparently, the old plane would now be used as a decoy plane so that when a plane wasn't available it could be loaded with passengers who could sit there thinking that they would be leaving in fifteen minutes. Lewis Black
I think one reason people play golf is it allows them to obsess about something other than the daily crap. It takes your mind off that. Lewis Black
Lewis Black quote: "My touring has never stopped; from the time I started doing..."
My touring has never stopped; from the time I started doing stand-up, I've been on the road. Lewis Black
Lewis Black quote: "My father worked at the Naval Ordnance Lab, and they had a..."
My father worked at the Naval Ordnance Lab, and they had a nine-hole course on the property. You paid a quarter. Lewis Black
Who knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distributed throughout the earth, in order to confuse my tiny brain? Lewis Black
Lewis Black quote: "You realize that for all the shenanigans that go on in the big..."
You realize that for all the shenanigans that go on in the big circus of politics, everybody wakes up and goes to work. Lewis Black
Lewis Black quote: "Each of us is full of shit in our own special way. We are all..."
Each of us is full of shit in our own special way. We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the universe. Lewis Black
Lewis Black quote: "We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the universe."
We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the universe. Lewis Black

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