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Authors:

Paula Poundstone quotes

American Comedian December 29, 1959

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Quotes

Paula Poundstone quote: "I have jokes I've told before and will tell again, but my..."
I have jokes I've told before and will tell again, but my favorite part of the night is talking to the crowd. Paula Poundstone
It is my wish to die of unique causes, perhaps in a high-speed tricycle crash, a bizarre stapling incient, or as a result of inadvertently sucking my brains out through my ear while trying to untwist the vacuum hose. Paula Poundstone
I also like a great Caesar salad with anchovies, although I don't know why some places say 'with anchovies.' If you're making a proper Caesar salad, it's going to have anchovies. Paula Poundstone
Paula Poundstone quote: "The problem with cats is that they get the same exact look..."
The problem with cats is that they get the same exact look whether they see a moth or an ax-murderer. Paula Poundstone
I can make things, but I don't cook them, exactly. Like salmon, I can stick that in a pan. Or the other day I made noodles, but they were hard. It never occurred to me to check them; I just stopped cooking them when I felt they were ready. Really, I'm too absentminded. Paula Poundstone
President Obama could keep a big map with push pins on it to keep track of how many countries hate us, and when we get down to only half, let's have a ball. I'll blow up the balloons myself. Paula Poundstone
I was diagnosed a number of years ago with obsessive-compulsive disorder - which everyone has, to some degree - and I have this really annoying trait where in conversation, I always steer it back to something that happened to me. Paula Poundstone
Paula Poundstone quote: "My act is sort of improvisational. I have a skeleton in my..."
My act is sort of improvisational. I have a skeleton in my head, but no fat or skin on it. Paula Poundstone
Paula Poundstone quote: "When we live up to our Constitution, let's form a Conga line..."
When we live up to our Constitution, let's form a Conga line around the Capitol and bungee jump off the dome. Paula Poundstone
Paula Poundstone quote: "I was born in Alabama, but I only lived there for a month..."
I was born in Alabama, but I only lived there for a month before I'd done everything there was to do. Paula Poundstone

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