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Jokes Quotes (page 9)

The real issues I don't think most people touch. The Clinton jokes are all about Monica Lewinsky and all that stuff and not about the important things, like the fact that he wouldn't ban landmines...I'm not tempted to write a song about George W. Bush. I couldn't figure out what sort of song I would write. That's the problem: I don't want to satirize George Bush and his puppeteers, I want to vaporize them. And that's not funny....OK, well, if I say that, I might get a shock laugh, but it's... Tom Lehrer
It happened that a fire broke out backstage in a theater. The clown came out to inform the public. They thought it was a jest and applauded. He repeated his warning. They shouted even louder. So I think the world will come to an end amid the general applause from all the wits who believe that it is a joke. Soren Kierkegaard
Louis-Ferdinand Celine quote: "Life must go on, even if it's no joke...just pretend to..."
Life must go on, even if it's no joke...just pretend to believe in the future. Louis-Ferdinand Celine
When I played Lady Day, I took Aba onstage with me as a joke. He started singing—in tune!—and the audience loved it. Eartha Kitt, when asked what tricks her poodle did. Eartha Kitt
C. S. Lewis quote: "There is a kind of happiness and wonder that makes you..."
There is a kind of happiness and wonder that makes you serious. It is too good to waste on jokes. C. S. Lewis
Small, bluish tubers that don't look like much but boiled or baked are as good as any patato. 'Katniss,' I said aloud. It's the plant I was named for. And I heard my father's voice joking, 'As long as you can find yourself, you'll never starve. Suzanne Collins
Their boredom becomes more and more terrible. They realize that they’ve been tricked and burn with resentment. Every day of their lives they read the newspapers and went to the movies. Both fed them on lynchings, murder, sex crimes, explosions, wrecks, love nests, fires, miracles, revolutions, war. This daily diet made sophisticates of them. The sun is a joke. Oranges can’t titillate their jaded palates. Nothing can ever be violent enough to make taut their slack minds and bodies. They have... Nathanael West
You have to try your hardest to be at the top of your game and improve every joke you can until the last possible second, and then you have to let it go. Tina Fey
We are made to bleed and scab and heal and bleed again and turn every scar into a joke. We are made to fight and fuck and talk and fight again and sit around and laugh until we choke. Ani DiFranco
War happens to people, one by one. That is really all I have to say and it seems to me I have been saying it forever. Unless they are immediate victims, the majority of mankind behaves as if war was an act of God which could not be prevented; or they behave as if war elsewhere was none of their business. It would be a bitter cosmic joke if we destroy ourselves due to atrophy of the imagination. Martha Gellhorn
There had been a popular joke on Freedom, started by a man named Calder. Looking down from space, he had said, the dominant life forms on Earth were obviously the cereals and other grasses. They occupied all the most desirable and fertile land; and they had tamed insects and animals to care for them. In particular, they had domesticated the bipeds to nurture and cultivate them and to save and plant their seed. Now, watching the farmers, Alex could easily imagine that they were worshiping and... Larry Niven
I never cared so much about making perfect sense. I wanted to make perfect nonsense. I wanted to tell jokes, but I didn't give a fuck about the punchline. Harmony Korine
Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor...I am Pagliacci. Alan Moore
Chuck Palahniuk quote: "The joke is, we all have the same punchline."
The joke is, we all have the same punchline. Chuck Palahniuk
My father taught me to work, but not to love it. I never did like to work, and I don't deny it. I'd rather read, tell stories, crack jokes, talk, laugh -- anything but work. Abraham Lincoln

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