TOP 10 Steven Wright quotes

10

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

9

It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.

8

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, 'Happy Birthday.

7

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

6

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

5

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

4

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

3

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not using?

2

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes."

1

Light travels faster than sound. Isn't that why people appear bright before you hear them speak?