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Chelsea Handler quotes about friends

American Comedian February 25, 1975

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Quotes

I don't appreciate people who celebrate their dog's birthdays with "dog parties," and then invite their friends who don't even have dogs. I understand why people like dogs, and I think they definitely bring more to the table than cats or those godforsaken ferrets, but I don't think it's healthy for people to treat their dogs like they are real people. Chelsea Handler
Ivory's the kind of girl who gets drunk and immediately starts slurring. I have a lot of friends like that, and I think it's because it makes me look 'more together. Chelsea Handler
Most men would never tell a girl her Pikachu smells like a crab cake. It's just not done. But they would have no qualms about telling their guy friends. Similarly, if you're a guy and you pull your pants down, and the girl you're with immediately stats text messaging her friends, you have a small penis. Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea Chelsea Handler
Lydia was the kind of friend whom people referred to as a 'party favor' -- always fun to be around but she doesn't have any patience for suffering unless it's her own. Chelsea Handler
Chelsea Handler quote: "I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no..."
I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends. Chelsea Handler
I had to feign interest in all this nonsense until I could ask when I could come over and sit on his face. I didn't say that out loud, of course. I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends. Chelsea Handler
Chelsea Handler quote: "I had to sit down and explain to [her friend] that AA was for..."
I had to sit down and explain to [her friend] that AA was for quitters Chelsea Handler

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