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Dennis Miller quotes

American Comedian November 3, 1953

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Quotes

Dennis Miller quote: "Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the..."
Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time. Dennis Miller
Dennis Miller quote: "The American education system couldn't be more badly directed..."
The American education system couldn't be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood. Dennis Miller
Dennis Miller quote: "You know there is a problem with the education system when you..."
You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R. Dennis Miller
A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away. Dennis Miller
Somebody can say they don't understand why somebody drifts. But I've always found people who drift interesting, 'cause it shows me the game's not stagnant in their own head. They're thinking. Dennis Miller
Dennis Miller quote: "Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license..."
Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch. Dennis Miller
And by the way, my belief is that if men were the ones getting pregnant, abortions would be easier to get than food poisoning in Moscow Dennis Miller
When I went to college, I lived on campus, and the guys I hung out with made the characters in Revenge of the Nerds look like the Rat Pack in 1962. I, myself made that kid Booger look like Remington Steele. Dennis Miller
Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels. Dennis Miller
Dennis Miller quote: "Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to..."
Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways. Dennis Miller
Dennis Miller quote: "A recent police study found that you're much more likely to..."
A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run. Dennis Miller
Dennis Miller quote: "Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese."
Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese. Dennis Miller
Dennis Miller quote: "Jack Kerouac was cool because he had no idea he was."
Jack Kerouac was cool because he had no idea he was. Dennis Miller
Dennis Miller quote: "I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van..."
I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown. Dennis Miller
Dennis Miller quote: "Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their..."
Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention. Dennis Miller

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