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Authors:

Erma Bombeck quotes

American Journalist February 21, 1927 – April 22, 1996

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Quotes

In all honesty, men changed a few rules when they became what was referred to as househusbands. Bill didn't make beds, cook, dust, do laundry, windows or floors, or give birth. What he did do was pay bills, call people to fix the plumbing, handle the investments and taxes, volunteer big time, take papers to the garage, change license plates, get the cars serviced, and pick up the cleaning. If women had had that kind of schedule, who knows, we'd probably still be in the home. Erma Bombeck
Erma Bombeck quote: "A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a..."
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest. Erma Bombeck
Erma Bombeck quote: "A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat."
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. Erma Bombeck
Erma Bombeck quote: "Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a..."
Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial. Erma Bombeck
Families aren't easy to join. They're like an exclusive country club where membership makes impossible demands and the dues for an outsider are exorbitant. Erma Bombeck
Erma Bombeck quote: "I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage."
I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. Erma Bombeck
Erma Bombeck quote: "She's as funny as a toothache"
She's as funny as a toothache Erma Bombeck
Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff. Erma Bombeck
Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago. Erma Bombeck
Erma Bombeck quote: "Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, 'No..."
Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, 'No thank you' to desert that night. And for what?! Erma Bombeck
After twenty-two years of marriage, we had outgrown the challenge of making something out of nothing. The nesting instincts just weren't there anymore. I no longer hyperventilated over a melon keeper that I bought at a Tupperware party. I now worshipped at the shrine of convenience and Sara Lee. Bill no longer rushed home to make bird houses in the basement. He wanted to sleep in his BarcaLounger so he wouldn't be so tired when he went to bed. It was as if we were closing the door on the... Erma Bombeck
For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward. Erma Bombeck
Erma Bombeck quote: "There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas..."
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. Erma Bombeck
Erma Bombeck quote: "Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller..."
Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other. Erma Bombeck
I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby... Erma Bombeck

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