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Authors:

Erma Bombeck quotes

American Journalist February 21, 1927 – April 22, 1996

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Quotes

Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, "A house guest," you're wrong because I have just described my kids. Erma Bombeck
Erma Bombeck quote: "No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed."
No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. Erma Bombeck
Erma Bombeck quote: "Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they..."
Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy. Erma Bombeck
Erma Bombeck quote: "I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security..."
I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair. Erma Bombeck
Erma Bombeck quote: "I come from a home where gravy is a beverage."
I come from a home where gravy is a beverage. Erma Bombeck
Erma Bombeck quote: "Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth."
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. Erma Bombeck
Erma Bombeck quote: "Car designers are just going to have to come up with an..."
Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments. Erma Bombeck
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. Erma Bombeck
Erma Bombeck quote: "Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I..."
Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead. Erma Bombeck
Erma Bombeck quote: "Never accept a drink from a urologist."
Never accept a drink from a urologist. Erma Bombeck
Erma Bombeck quote: "House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out..."
House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad. Erma Bombeck
Erma Bombeck quote: "A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween."
A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. Erma Bombeck
Erma Bombeck quote: "Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just..."
Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises. Erma Bombeck
Erma Bombeck quote: "Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip."
Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip. Erma Bombeck
Erma Bombeck quote: "My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being..."
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. Erma Bombeck

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