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George Carlin Quotes

George Carlin quotes

American Comedian, Actor May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008

TOP 10 George Carlin quotes

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Quotes

It's not in the mainstream media yet, but the biggest jump in skin cancer has occurred since the advent of sunscreens. That kind of thing makes me happy. The fact that people, in pursuit of a superficial look of health, give themselves a fatal disease. I love it when 'reasoning' human beings think they have figured out how to beat something and it comes right back and kicks them in the nuts. God bless the law of unintended consequences. And the irony is impressive: Healthy people, trying to... George Carlin
George Carlin quote: "When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands."
When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands. George Carlin
There's also way too much religion in the South to be consistent with good mental health. Still, I love traveling down there, especially when I'm in the mood for a quick trip to the thirteenth century. I'm not someone who buys into all that 'New South' shit you hear; I judge a place by the number of lynchings they've had, overall. George Carlin
I've begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, and a lovely day. There's no mystery, no one asks for money, I don't have to dress up, and there's no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to "God" are all... George Carlin
Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man ... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he... George Carlin
Religion has actually convinced people that there is an invisible man living in the sky, and he has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these things he will send you to a place full of fire, and smoke, and burn and torture forever and ever 'till the end of time.... but he LOVES you. And he needs money. George Carlin
I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up. George Carlin
There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you. George Carlin
I love it in a movie when they throw a guy off a cliff. I love it even when it's not a movie. No, especially when it's not a movie. George Carlin
George Carlin quote: "Griddle cakes, pancakes, hot cakes, flapjacks: why are there..."
Griddle cakes, pancakes, hot cakes, flapjacks: why are there four names for grilled batter and only one word for love? George Carlin
No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to. George Carlin
People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver. George Carlin
George Carlin quote: "I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and..."
I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to. George Carlin
George Carlin quote: "Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it."
Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it. George Carlin
George Carlin quote: "People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment..."
People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. George Carlin

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