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Authors:

Henny Youngman quotes

American Comedian March 16, 1906 – February 24, 1998

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Quotes

Henny Youngman quote: "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. Henny Youngman
Henny Youngman quote: "My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way."
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. Henny Youngman
Henny Youngman quote: "I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock."
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock. Henny Youngman
Henny Youngman quote: "I've got all the money I'll ever need. If I die by 4:00."
I've got all the money I'll ever need. If I die by 4:00. Henny Youngman
Henny Youngman quote: "I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. Henny Youngman
Henny Youngman quote: "When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win. -Henny..."
When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win. -Henny Youngman, comedian and violinist (1906-1998) Henny Youngman
Henny Youngman quote: "Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to."
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to. Henny Youngman
A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well. Henny Youngman
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car. Henny Youngman
Henny Youngman quote: "Take my wife... Please!"
Take my wife... Please! Henny Youngman
Henny Youngman quote: "I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have..."
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays. Henny Youngman
Henny Youngman quote: "The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the..."
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip. Henny Youngman
Henny Youngman quote: "My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses...."
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. Henny Youngman
Henny Youngman quote: "Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering."
Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering. Henny Youngman
Henny Youngman quote: "She has a wash and wear bridal gown."
She has a wash and wear bridal gown. Henny Youngman

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