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Janet Evanovich Quotes

Janet Evanovich quotes

American Writer April 22, 1943

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Quotes

Stephanie,' Valerie said. 'She's going to have a baby, and she's getting married.' My father was confused. He looked around the room. No Joe. No Ranger. His eyes locked on Diesel. 'Not the psycho,' he said. Diesel blew out a sigh. My father turned to my mother. 'Get me the carving knife. Make sure it's sharp. Janet Evanovich
You have no spirit of culinary adventure. You need to be more like that snarky guy on the Travel Channel. He goes all over the world eating kangaroo a**holes and snail throw-up. He'd eat anything. He don't care how sick he gets. He's another one of my role models, except he needs ironing. Janet Evanovich
I struggled to learn basic skills, get a grip on markets, find my own unique voice, create story lines and come up to speed with the industry. I struggled for ten years before having any success. Janet Evanovich
That’s nice of you, but it’s not necessary to loan me a car.” “I loan you cars all the time.” “And I almost always destroy them or lose them. I have terrible luck with cars.” “Working at Rangeman is a high-stress job, and you’re one of our few sources of comic relief. I give you a car and my men start a pool on how long it will take you to trash it. You’re a line item in my budget under entertainment. Janet Evanovich
Lula's borderline too much of a good thing in lots of ways. It isn't exactly that Lula is fat; it's more that she's too short for her weight and her clothes are too small for the volume of flesh she carries. Janet Evanovich
You must be a terrible burden to your mother. I am feeling so sorry for her not to have a proper daughter."Mrs. Apusenja - To the Nines Janet Evanovich
Opening my door to Dillon Ruddick, my bulding super. I handed him a cup of coffee. "Sorry about the blood." "What was it this time?" No one reported gunfire."I hit a guy in the face with a hair dryer."Whoa." Dillon said."It wasn't my fault," I told him."Maybe we should lay down some linoleum here. It would make things easier for clean up. Janet Evanovich
...I blink back the threat of tears, swiped at my nose and narrowed my eyes. "Listen to me, you two bags of monkey shit, "I yelled. "I am not in a good mood. My car keeps stalling. The day before yesterday I threw up on Joe Morelli. I was called a fat cow by my ex-husband. And if that isn't enough...my hair is ORANGE! ORANGE, FOR CHRISSAKE! And now you have the gall to force yourself into my home and threaten my hamster. Well, you have gone too far. You have crossed the line! Janet Evanovich
[Ranger] "How's your mental health?" he asked. "I heard about Soder."[Stephanie] "I'm rattled."I have a cure."Oh, boy. He put the truck in gear and headed for the exit. "I know what you're thinking," he said. "And that wasn't where I was going. I was going to suggest work."I knew that."He looked over at me and grinned. "You want me bad."I did. God help me. Janet Evanovich
I want to see your tailpipe fading off into the sunset."Good luck, I thought. My tailpipe was somewhere on Route 1, along with my muffler. Janet Evanovich
Who's the best person you know. Of all the people you know personally, is there anyone who has a sense of right and wrong and lives by it? This was a sticky question because it would have to be Ranger ...but I suspected he occasionally killed people. Only bad people, of course, but still... Janet Evanovich
For the most part, Ranger had a consistent personality. He wasn't a guy who wasted a lot of unnecessary energy and effort. He moved and he spoke with an efficient ease that was more animal than human. And he didn't telegraph his emotions. Unless Ranger had his tongue in my mouth it was usually impossible to tell what he was thinking. But every now and then, Ranger would step out of the box, and like a little treat that was doled out on special occasions, Ranger would make an entirely... Janet Evanovich
My mother came into the kitchen. "Whose car is that parked in front of our house?"That's Stephanie's new car," Grandma said. "isn't it a pip?"One of my mother's eyebrows raised in question. "Two new cars? Where are these cars coming from?"Company cars," I said."Oh?"Anal sex is not involved," I told her. My mother and grandmother both gasped."Sorry," I said. "It just slipped out."I thought only homosexual men did anal sex," Grandma said."anybody with an anus can do it," I told her."Hmm,"... Janet Evanovich
DeAngelo blew up my bus, so I filled his car with shit. Genius, right?"DeAngelo didn't blow up the bus," Connie said. "I just got the report from the fire marshal. The coffeemaker shorted out and started the fire."Some of the color left Vinnie's face. "Say what?"Oh man," Lula said. "DeAngelo is gonna be pissed. Least he won't know who did it."I left a note," Vinnie said. Lula gave a hoot of laughter and fell off her chair. Janet Evanovich
I know what you're thinking," Grandma said into the silence. "Do I have anymore bullets in this here gun? Well, with all the confusion, what with being locked up in a refrigerator, I plumb forgot what was in here to start with. But being that this is a 45 magnum, the most powerful handgun in existence, and it could blow your head clean off, you just got to ask yourself one question. Do you feel lucky today? Well, do you, punk?"Christ," Spiro whispered. "She thinks she's f**king Clint Eastwood. Janet Evanovich

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