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Jon Stewart Quotes

Jon Stewart quotes

American Entertainer November 28, 1962

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Quotes

Wait a minute! Wait a minute! I figured this out. I know what's wrong with what we've done in Iraq. We've been following time as it goes forward. What a classic mistake. Linear time is so pre-9-11. Jon Stewart
Why would these English explorers search for these spices, yet never use them in their food? --7/14/09 interview with Peter Mancall, author of Fatal Journey Jon Stewart
I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over. Jon Stewart
We've come from the same history - 2000 years of persecution - we've just expressed our sufferings differently. Blacks developed the blues. Jews complained, we just never thought of putting it to music. Jon Stewart
What are you so mad about? That we still have a government? We still have “traffic lights.” We’re sorry. The government’s not perfect, but some people wish it was better, not gone. Jon Stewart
Jon Stewart quote: "I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like..."
I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else. Jon Stewart
Jon Stewart quote: "By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can..."
By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams. Jon Stewart
Why did the Articles [of Confederation] fail so completely? Most historians believe the founding fathers spent a great deal of their first constitutional convention drafting the delaration of independence and only realized on July 3rd the Articles were also due. Jon Stewart
Jon Stewart quote: "McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite..."
McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done. Jon Stewart
Jon Stewart quote: "We called her Mother Earth. Because she gave birth to us, and..."
We called her Mother Earth. Because she gave birth to us, and then we sucked her dry. Jon Stewart
If I was to really get at the burr in my saddle, it’s not politics — and this is, I think, probably a horrible analogy — but I look at politicians as, they are doing what inherently they need to do to retain power. Their job is to consolidate power. When you go to the zoo and you see a monkey throwing poop, you go, ‘That’s what monkeys do, what are you gonna do?’ But what I wish the media would do more frequently is say, ‘Bad monkey. Jon Stewart
As our larynxes descended, we were able to make sounds with our mouths in new and far more expressive ways. Verbal language soon overtook physical gesturing as the primary means of communication for all human beings except Italians. (Earth (The Book), p. 36) Jon Stewart
Yes, the long war on Christianity. I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians can worship freely! In broad daylight! Openly wearing the symbols of their religion... perhaps around their necks? And maybe -- dare I dream it? -- maybe one day there can be an openly Christian President. Or, perhaps, 43 of them. Consecutively. Jon Stewart
Jon Stewart quote: "I'm thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the..."
I'm thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, the third time's a charm. Jon Stewart
Jon Stewart quote: "Get there early because hope does not park your mother-fucking..."
Get there early because hope does not park your mother-fucking car. Jon Stewart

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