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Authors:

P. G. Wodehouse quotes

English Writer, Playwright October 15, 1881 – February 14, 1975

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Quotes

You know how it is with some girls. They seem to take the stuffing right out of you. I mean to say, there is something about their personality that paralyses the vocal cords and reduces the contents of the brain to cauliflower. P. G. Wodehouse
P. G. Wodehouse quote: "Sudden success in golf is like the sudden acquisition of..."
Sudden success in golf is like the sudden acquisition of wealth. It is apt to unsettle and deteriorate the character. P. G. Wodehouse
This was not Aunt Dahlia, my good and kindly aunt, but my Aunt Agatha, the one who chews broken bottles and kills rats with her teeth. P. G. Wodehouse
P. G. Wodehouse quote: "the supply of the milk of human kindness was short by several..."
the supply of the milk of human kindness was short by several gallons P. G. Wodehouse
The club book was never intended to be light and titillated reading for the members. Its function is solely to acquaint those who are contemplating taking new posts with the foibles of prospective employers. This being so, there is no need for the record contained in the eighteen pages in which you figure. For I may hope, may I not, sir, that you will allow me to remain permanently in your service? P. G. Wodehouse
P. G. Wodehouse quote: "The ideas of debtor and creditor as to what constitutes a good..."
The ideas of debtor and creditor as to what constitutes a good time never coincide. P. G. Wodehouse
The High Street was full of farmers, cows, and other animals, the majority of the former well on the road to intoxication. It is, of course, extremely painful to see a man in such a condition, but when such a person in endeavouring to count a perpetually moving drove of pigs, the onlooker's pain is sensibly diminished. P. G. Wodehouse
He couldn’t have moved quicker if he had been the dachshund Poppet, who at this juncture was running round in circles, trying, if I read his thoughts aright, to work off the rather heavy lunch he had had earlier in the afternoon. P. G. Wodehouse
What I'm worrying about is what Tom is going to say when he starts talking."Uncle Tom?"I wish there was something else you could call him except 'Uncle Tom,' " Aunt Dahlia said a little testily. "Every time you do it, I expect to see him turn black and start playing the banjo. P. G. Wodehouse
P. G. Wodehouse quote: "And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact..."
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need. P. G. Wodehouse
One prefers, of course, on all occasions to be stainless and above reproach, but, failing that, the next best thing is unquestionably to have got rid of the body. P. G. Wodehouse
This Vladimir Brusiloff to whom I have referred was the famous Russian novelist. . . . Vladimir specialized in gray studies of hopeless misery, where nothing happened till page three hundred and eighty, when the moujik decided to commit suicide. . . . Cuthbert was an optimist at heart, and it seemed to him that, at the rate at which the inhabitants of that interesting country were murdering one another, the supply of Russian novelists must eventually give out. P. G. Wodehouse
P. G. Wodehouse quote: "with each new book of mine I have always the feeling that this..."
...with each new book of mine I have always the feeling that this time I have picked a lemon in the garden of literature. P. G. Wodehouse
P. G. Wodehouse quote: "Good God, Clarence! You look like a bereaved tapeworm."
Good God, Clarence! You look like a bereaved tapeworm. P. G. Wodehouse
I don't know if you suffer in the same way, but with me the act of talking in the nature of real mashed potatoes always induces a sort of prickly sensation and a hideous feeling of shame, together with a marked starting of the pores. P. G. Wodehouse

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