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Phyllis Diller Quotes

Phyllis Diller quotes

American Comedian July 17, 1917 – August 20, 2012

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Quotes

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run. Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller quote: "My own laugh is the real thing and I've had it all my life."
My own laugh is the real thing and I've had it all my life. Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller quote: "The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you..."
The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller quote: "It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be..."
It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core. Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller quote: "A smile is a curve that sets everything straight."
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller quote: "Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your..."
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller quote: "I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband,..."
I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap? Phyllis Diller
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder, and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller quote: "Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is..."
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller quote: "Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out."
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller quote: "Our dog died from licking our wedding picture."
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller quote: "Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who..."
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller quote: "Money's scarce. Times are hard. Here's your fucking. Xmas card"
Money's scarce. Times are hard. Here's your fucking. Xmas card Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller quote: "What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking..."
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller quote: "I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford...."
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. Phyllis Diller

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