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Phyllis Diller Quotes

Phyllis Diller quotes

American Comedian July 17, 1917 – August 20, 2012

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Quotes

Phyllis Diller quote: "There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks..."
There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto. Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller quote: "A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause..."
A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are. Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller quote: "Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves."
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves. Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller quote: "A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once."
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. Phyllis Diller
Just the other day I said to Fang, "Don't you think we've got a storybook romance?" and he said, "Yes, and every page is ripped. Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller quote: "Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller quote: "You know you're old if your walker has an airbag."
You know you're old if your walker has an airbag. Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller quote: "You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type."
You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type. Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller quote: "You know you're old when someone compliments you on your..."
You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot. Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller quote: "Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off."
Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off. Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller quote: "My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me."
My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me. Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller quote: "I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard."
I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard. Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller quote: "Housework won't kill you, but then again, why take the chance?"
Housework won't kill you, but then again, why take the chance? Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller quote: "Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?"
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller quote: "I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing."
I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. Phyllis Diller

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