English En
  • Deutsche De
  • English En
  • Français Fr
  • Русский Ru

We use cookies to personalise content and ads, to provide social media features and to analyse our traffic. We also share information about your use of our site with our marketing and analytics partners who may combine it with other information you've provided to them or which they've separately collected from you. You also may to see our Privacy Policy. By clicking the OK button below, you accept our cookies.

Authors:

Steven Wright quotes

American Comedian December 6, 1955

TOP 10 Steven Wright quotes

Steven Wright quotes in french
 Cite this Page: Citation

Quotes

Steven Wright quote: "Light travels faster than sound. Isn't that why people appear..."
Light travels faster than sound. Isn't that why people appear bright before you hear them speak? Steven Wright
Steven Wright quote: "If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of..."
If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen? Steven Wright
I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping. Steven Wright
When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey. Steven Wright
Steven Wright quote: "I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes..."
I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator. Steven Wright
Steven Wright quote: "Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm."
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. Steven Wright
Steven Wright quote: "The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to..."
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. Steven Wright
Steven Wright quote: "Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way..."
Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn’t pay for. Steven Wright
Steven Wright quote: "I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it..."
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. Steven Wright
You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time... Steven Wright
Steven Wright quote: "I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back..."
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time. Steven Wright
When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints. Steven Wright
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing. Steven Wright
Steven Wright quote: "I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was..."
I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The whole time. Steven Wright
Steven Wright quote: "The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les."
The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les. Steven Wright

Popular Author

Related Authors