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Tim Vine quotes

British Comedian March 4, 1967

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Quotes

Tim Vine quote: "I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to..."
I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself. Tim Vine
Tim Vine quote: "I love acting, but it's all just a bonus."
I love acting, but it's all just a bonus. Tim Vine
Tim Vine quote: "For one thing, I don't pun excessively in real life."
For one thing, I don't pun excessively in real life. Tim Vine
Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin. Tim Vine
People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' - if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing, were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway. Tim Vine
Tim Vine quote: "Black beauty - he's a dark horse."
Black beauty - he's a dark horse. Tim Vine
My house is a bit like a teenager's bedroom. The kind of pictures you have hanging up on your wall say a lot about you. I've got ones of Evel Knievel, Elvis and Starsky and Hutch, signed by David Soul. Tim Vine
I sit in places like Costa Coffee in Banstead and write rubbish. I need a deadline. I think about the 44 tour dates and keep imagining standing in front of all these people. Then every day I write 15 jokes minimum. Tim Vine
People think that because of my act that I must have a really busy mind and I must be driven. I really am not. I quite like going outside and looking at spiders on a hedge in my garden and stuff. Tim Vine
I'm not someone who gets to play The O2 and places like that, but that's the kind of rock and roll venue. The popularity of stand-up means that some people are getting to play rock star venues. Tim Vine
Tim Vine quote: "I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put..."
I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down. Tim Vine
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'" Tim Vine
One of the things I like about when I tour sometimes is that occasionally you'll see a dad there with his 12-year-old son and they're both enjoying it. Tim Vine
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice. Tim Vine
With silly stuff, it's seventy-five percent confidence. I always tell people that it's because I'm nervous about getting that next laugh and I need to hear it. I always want to condense a joke. Tim Vine

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