TOP 10 Mitch Hedberg quotes

10

I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle.

9

I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

8

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'

7

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

6

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.

5

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

4

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

3

Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.

2

I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart.

1

Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'