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Authors:

David Sedaris quotes

American Writer December 26, 1956

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Quotes

With practice I will eventually realize my goal; in the meantime, come to Paris and you will find me, headphones plugged tight in my external audio meatus, walking the quays and whispering, 'Has anything else been inserted into your anus? Has anything else been inserted into your anus? David Sedaris
David Sedaris quote: "When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do..."
When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. David Sedaris
A week after my drugs ran out, I left my bed to perform at the college, deciding at the last minute to skip both the doughnut toss and the march of the headless plush toys. Instead, I just heated up a skillet of plastic soldiers, poured a milkshake over my head and called it a night. David Sedaris
I just think that the people who say: 'That's not true' when someone tells a story at dinner are the people who didn't get any laughs when they told their story. David Sedaris
David Sedaris quote: "I like books on tape, and will listen to just about anything."
I like books on tape, and will listen to just about anything. David Sedaris
The fake slap invariably makes contact, adding the elements of shock and betrayal to what had previously been plain old-fashioned fear. David Sedaris
Every day we're told that we live in the greatest country on earth. And it's always stated as an undeniable fact: Leos are born between July 23 and August 22, fitted queen-size sheets measure sixty by eighty inches, and America is the greatest country on earth. Having grown up with this in our ears, it's startling to realize that other countries have nationalistic slogans of their own, none of which are 'We're number two! David Sedaris
Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people are going to bring their own stuff into it. David Sedaris
I've always had a way with the little people, making it a point to humor them without looking down my nose at their wasted empty lives. David Sedaris
David Sedaris quote: "Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that..."
Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in my mouth. David Sedaris
I've never gone on Facebook and am not sure I understand it. The same goes for Twitter. I have someone sending tweets and pretending to be me, but I don't know why. David Sedaris
David Sedaris quote: "Actually I liked that 'Let the Right One In,' that Swedish..."
Actually I liked that 'Let the Right One In,' that Swedish vampire movie. David Sedaris
David Sedaris quote: "There is still the outside world to contend with. A world of..."
There is still the outside world to contend with. A world of backfiring cars, and their human equivalents. David Sedaris
David Sedaris quote: "Weird doors open. People fall into things."
Weird doors open. People fall into things. David Sedaris
David Sedaris quote: "Sometimes I say to myself, 'Oh, I wish I could win a Tony..."
Sometimes I say to myself, 'Oh, I wish I could win a Tony Award', although I'm not that bothered. David Sedaris

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