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Woody Allen Quotes

Woody Allen quotes

American Director December 1, 1935

TOP 10 Woody Allen quotes

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Quotes

Mrs. Sol Schwimmer is suing me because I made her bridge as I felt it and not to fit her ridiculous mouth! That's right! I can't work to order like a common tradesman! I decided her bridge should be enormous and billowing, with wild, explosive teeth flaring up in every direction like fire! Now she is upset because it won't fit in her mouth! She is so bourgeois and stupid. I want to smash her! I tried forcing the false plate in but it sticks out like a star burst chandelier. Still, I... Woody Allen
Raining. Oh, brother, a scratch on the fender. Damn rabbi on his unicycle. Wait a minute, where are my car keys? Could have sworn I left them in this pocket. No, just some loose change and ticket stubs from the all-black version of Elaine Stritch’ s one-woman show. Did I check my desk? Better go back inside. What’s in the top drawer here? Hmm. Envelopes, my paper clips, a loaded revolver in case the tenant in 2A begins yodelling again. Woody Allen
Pale, nervous girls with black-rimmed glasses and blunt-cut hair lolled around on sofas, riffling Penguin Classics provocatively… But it wasn’t just intellectual experiences. They were peddling emotional ones, too. For fifty bucks, I learned, you could ‘relate without getting close.’ For a hundred, a girl would lend you her Bartok records, have dinner, and then let you watch while she had an anxiety attack. Woody Allen
Honey, you're the one who stopped sleeping with me, OK? It'll be a year come April 20th. I remember the date exactly, because it was Hitler's birthday Woody Allen
Woody Allen quote: "I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot"
I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot Woody Allen
Woody Allen quote: "I think being funny is not anyone's first choice."
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice. Woody Allen
Woody Allen quote: "I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak."
I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak. Woody Allen
The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily laying down. Woody Allen
Woody Allen quote: "It's funny. Maria Elena and I, we are meant for each other and..."
It's funny. Maria Elena and I, we are meant for each other and not meant for each other, it's a contradiction. Woody Allen
?m going to kill myself. I should go to Paris and jump off the Eiffel Tower. ?ll be dead. you know, in fact, if I get the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier, which would be perfect. Or wait a minute. It -- with the time change, I could be alive for six hours in New York but dead three hours in Paris. I could get things done, and I could also be dead. Woody Allen
Woody Allen quote: "I had a terrible education. I attended a school for..."
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers. Woody Allen
Woody Allen quote: "If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse."
If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse. Woody Allen
Woody Allen quote: "It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly..."
It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off. Woody Allen
Woody Allen quote: "My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In..."
My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make films. Woody Allen
Woody Allen quote: "Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at..."
Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once. Woody Allen

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